I've been stressing lately about college. It's a completely new area of the world that I'm unfamiliar with and franky unprepared to deal with, seeing as I'm barely independent and can't cook a single thing but scrambled eggs and rice on a good day. I think I have a good chance of getting into a really prestigious college, but the anxiety still lingers, as it always does with me.
I've never had to make a college entrance essay yet, but in the imagined dreams of my head, it starts with a stupid sentence that barely makes sense yet seems to speak so much to me, inspired by Lady Gaga's opening speech for the 'Marry the Night' music video. It goes something along the lines of this:
'I like to think that when I was born, the cloth I was swaddled in was fabric from a vintage Yves Saint Laurent collection, because then at least I'd be wearing something chic for once in my life.'
It's really long, runs away, and falls flat on its face. Lady Gaga does it way better in the music video and points out the differences from reality in the hospital scene, like how all her nurses are wearing luxury clothing and she is too, not because she's a liar, but because 'she likes to remember things in a more artistic way'. I can't help but relate, because even if people say I'm remarkable or great at the things I do, I can't help but feel like I'm nothing at all. So I imagine the world to please my interests a lot more than it should.
Perhaps I'm an alien who's crash landed from the far reaches of space to spread happiness and sequins to the world. Perhaps my online friends all fit their handles in real life, that when they have 'dragon' or 'ninja' in their name, it's because they actually are. That every digital menu is colorful and full of animations, that cities are filled with wondrous buildings and even more wondrous people.
I think this way so often because everyday I hear people say it was better in the old days, that times have changed, and I don't want to believe them but then I look back at pictures of the 80s and 90s and realize while there were so many problems, so many groups in need of recognition, of love, and justice, that what I'm looking at is just an idealized enigma of a decade, it still feels like people were so much optimistic and happier in those days. I'm reminded of the idea that the reason why buildings have gone from elaborate designed experiences like indoor playplaces to gray husks is because it saves money and whimsy is expensive.
In all this pessimism, though, the indie web reminded me that, yes, those 'old days' that may have never existed still can, in some way, today, and that there are so many people, real people in the world, who are building their own little corners of happiness one brick and one line of code at a time, and that people outsid of this little bubble can join this community of programmers trying to resist all the grey, all the quick schemes for bucks, all the corner-cutting, all the fast fashion.
When people visit the Spark-Web, I do want them to think like that. I want them to think they're really in the rocket ship headquarters of a business ran by an alien astronaut and parasite that will make their dreams come true. I want them to be inspired to create, to enjoy, and to just live life a little more than they lived it yesterday.
And yes, I want them to believe that when they're in the Spark-Web, they're wearing Yves Saint Laurent, cerulean military jackets and all.